"What do you plan to do with your life?"
I hate this question. Not because of the curiosity behind it but more the insinuations that bleed from the words. Depending on the context in which it is asked and the manner in which it is perceived and received by the one being asked, these words could either build or destroy. Perception is such a tricky thing.
My mother recently asked me this question. I had no response for her. I wrestled to understand the words in her loving concern. They words left pain in my being from the way I received them. Am I doing nothing with my life right now? was what I kept asking myself the entire time. Allow me to explain. I am 28 years old and still living under my mother’s roof. I have no college degree to my name yet, but I have been doing distance learning for the last ten years for a degree in Business Management. I don’t struggle with the course, the truth is I don’t care about it at all. The only reason I keep registering and wasting all this money is to make my mother happy. I have a few modules left, but I care nothing for passing them; that is not where my heart is.
My heart is in writing and radio. I am a crazy creative with a deep passion for telling and listening to stories. I spend sleepless nights with stories and eventually going to bed to dream about stories. I have an adventurous spirit that wants to travel the world gathering and sharing stories from all walks of life. My heart is racing as I type this, at the thought of it alone. The question would then be Why am I not doing that? The answer is complicated but simple: the world has told me many times that these dreams of mine are unrealistic. I have been raised to believe that a degree, a job, some assets and a family are my only destiny. This has always scared me. I remember crying as a child at the fear of being daily being confined to an office job in a suit and tie for the rest of my life. I don’t remember the fear or the tears stopping.
It is not that I hate the idea of getting a job and “actually doing some work.” In fact I work hard everyday on the things I actually love doing, which are writing and doing radio. These things bring me real joy everyday, but admittedly haven’t brought me much money. I guess that is where my Mother and I differ on the definition of work. Work for me is whatever my hands find to do, love to do and do diligently. Work for my Mother seems to be something that pays well enough for her 28 year old son to move out. I don’t disagree with her definition at all, I just pray for a day when she can understand and agree with my definition.
“Just start somewhere and then one day you will get to where you want to be and do what it is that you want to do.” I have heard this many times. I understand that it can work for other people but this method simply will not for me or my spirit. Does one work towards who they want to be, or do they work on building and establishing who they are? I know many people doing “really well” in the careers and “moving on/ up in life,” yet many of those same people are miserable and wish every single day they could change their lives. I dare not use that as an excuse for not getting the job that will bring my Mother peace, but I will always refer to that as proof that unless one finds who they are and do something that will agree and add with their character there will be no peace or joy. I am no different from the chartered accountant or criminal lawyer who decides after one or even many years in the industry that they are not happy. The thing about me is that I have known since a very young age exactly who I am and who I am not.
The truth is I know what I want to do, I have always subconsciously known. Why have I not done it yet? Simply put, the people I love have not cared or believed in what I love. That is the thing about love, it is complex, complicated and confusing. I have for the longest time believed that the love of my Mother will be enough to replace the love I have for the things I was created to do. The truth, which I only got to recently, is that love begins with me. The Word of God speaks about “loving your neighbour as you love yourself.” Loving myself is a prerequisite in loving others, and after years of fighting and resenting my Mother I finally realised where the problem lies: I was mad at my mother for my own frustrations of not doing what I really want to be doing with my life.
A great life and one lived to the fullest is a life full of love in all respects of the word. Maya Angelou put it more eloquently: “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
My mother just wants the best for me, and the best for me is doing what my heart longs for. When I finally succeed in all that I really enjoy, both her and I will find peace and agreement in the choice I made. I have just decided that I will no longer be told that I cannot do what I love doing, for the love of myself and all those around me.
Connect with PJ Lebea to read more about him and read his writings.
Be daring, go get your dreams,
I hate this question. Not because of the curiosity behind it but more the insinuations that bleed from the words. Depending on the context in which it is asked and the manner in which it is perceived and received by the one being asked, these words could either build or destroy. Perception is such a tricky thing.
My mother recently asked me this question. I had no response for her. I wrestled to understand the words in her loving concern. They words left pain in my being from the way I received them. Am I doing nothing with my life right now? was what I kept asking myself the entire time. Allow me to explain. I am 28 years old and still living under my mother’s roof. I have no college degree to my name yet, but I have been doing distance learning for the last ten years for a degree in Business Management. I don’t struggle with the course, the truth is I don’t care about it at all. The only reason I keep registering and wasting all this money is to make my mother happy. I have a few modules left, but I care nothing for passing them; that is not where my heart is.
My heart is in writing and radio. I am a crazy creative with a deep passion for telling and listening to stories. I spend sleepless nights with stories and eventually going to bed to dream about stories. I have an adventurous spirit that wants to travel the world gathering and sharing stories from all walks of life. My heart is racing as I type this, at the thought of it alone. The question would then be Why am I not doing that? The answer is complicated but simple: the world has told me many times that these dreams of mine are unrealistic. I have been raised to believe that a degree, a job, some assets and a family are my only destiny. This has always scared me. I remember crying as a child at the fear of being daily being confined to an office job in a suit and tie for the rest of my life. I don’t remember the fear or the tears stopping.
It is not that I hate the idea of getting a job and “actually doing some work.” In fact I work hard everyday on the things I actually love doing, which are writing and doing radio. These things bring me real joy everyday, but admittedly haven’t brought me much money. I guess that is where my Mother and I differ on the definition of work. Work for me is whatever my hands find to do, love to do and do diligently. Work for my Mother seems to be something that pays well enough for her 28 year old son to move out. I don’t disagree with her definition at all, I just pray for a day when she can understand and agree with my definition.
“Just start somewhere and then one day you will get to where you want to be and do what it is that you want to do.” I have heard this many times. I understand that it can work for other people but this method simply will not for me or my spirit. Does one work towards who they want to be, or do they work on building and establishing who they are? I know many people doing “really well” in the careers and “moving on/ up in life,” yet many of those same people are miserable and wish every single day they could change their lives. I dare not use that as an excuse for not getting the job that will bring my Mother peace, but I will always refer to that as proof that unless one finds who they are and do something that will agree and add with their character there will be no peace or joy. I am no different from the chartered accountant or criminal lawyer who decides after one or even many years in the industry that they are not happy. The thing about me is that I have known since a very young age exactly who I am and who I am not.
The truth is I know what I want to do, I have always subconsciously known. Why have I not done it yet? Simply put, the people I love have not cared or believed in what I love. That is the thing about love, it is complex, complicated and confusing. I have for the longest time believed that the love of my Mother will be enough to replace the love I have for the things I was created to do. The truth, which I only got to recently, is that love begins with me. The Word of God speaks about “loving your neighbour as you love yourself.” Loving myself is a prerequisite in loving others, and after years of fighting and resenting my Mother I finally realised where the problem lies: I was mad at my mother for my own frustrations of not doing what I really want to be doing with my life.
A great life and one lived to the fullest is a life full of love in all respects of the word. Maya Angelou put it more eloquently: “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
My mother just wants the best for me, and the best for me is doing what my heart longs for. When I finally succeed in all that I really enjoy, both her and I will find peace and agreement in the choice I made. I have just decided that I will no longer be told that I cannot do what I love doing, for the love of myself and all those around me.
Connect with PJ Lebea to read more about him and read his writings.
Be daring, go get your dreams,
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