#NowNovember17: Jai Robin

Hello Scribes,

Now November is a season of reflection for me. I always feel myself unfolding like a piece of origami paper that has been creased and refolded to make a paper crane. At times I need to unfold, start from scratch and recenter to perfect the outcome. 

Jai Robin has written about her experience with Fibromyalgia (<<<<<link)  in past blog posts, but in this season she unfolds her crane and allows us to see into her transformation from feeling alone to standing in her strength and faith in God:

There is something about how when seasons change it can effect a person’s mood. Seasonal depression is an impacting reality for many people. 

Daylight savings time and “falling back” always tends to cause a shift for me. Darkness at 5 p.m. doesn’t do much for the daily mental drain I feel. Between work and things going on with my daughters I just feel tapped out. I have found myself looking forward to time in my bed under the covers and struggling the next morning to find the strength to get up from the comforts of my bed. 

Some people call November “cuffing season.” For me it is another lonely season accompanied by darkness and cold weather that affects my Fibromyalgia. Pains radiate through my body and make it easier to want to stay in my bed and do nothing but silence out the world. I hate when the pain I feel from my condition reaches extreme levels and I am faced with having to care for myself. With the exception of the nights I share my bed with my Yorkie Coco, I am alone. 

I hate the approaching holiday season and the reality that my family life is no longer the same. Aside from work and kids there is my non-existent romantic life. I have to admit, I hate life after divorce. I suffocate in loneliness that seems to pierce me. In this season my longing for companionship seems stronger than ever; just simply wanting someone I can chill and laugh with can become consuming at times. Then I am faced with talking myself through compromises I don’t need to make just to have temporary fixes to my lonely state. Even though I no longer want to be single, I am thankful for the “single life.” In this time alone, I can make smarter choices; I can learn from my mistakes, I can love myself enough to not want to compromise myself just to have a warm body. I know of my dopeness even if I never have a man to recognize the queen that I am.

I am thankful for my daughters, while they can present challenges I accept that I was challenged to be the best mom I can be to them. It is okay that I have made mistakes; I keep loving them to the best of my ability and try to shape them into strong women. I have to walk through life in this way that even if my children see me stumble, they will be able to know that their mom kept getting up and pushing forward. 

“Now November” is a yearly revelation that patience truly is a virtue I need to develop. It is another lesson of God’s grace and mercy. He gives me the strength to keep fighting for the days when His promises will come true. This temporary time is my harvest season. I embrace it, plant my feet and allow Him to mature me and rule in my life because He is in control. While I am intentionally loving me, I accept that I am still growing and learning. I can be honest with myself that God may have me in this “lone state” to perfect me, to heal me, and to prepare me for what He has in store for me.

While it is hard to see a silver lining when things seem so dark around me, I am not a quitter. I give myself the reality check I need - things will get better. I reposition my crown and I keep pushing. Just like this change in season has come, I too will transition and evolve. I know from all that I have overcome in my life that heartache, pain and loneliness are temporary. Even in my weakest times I know that I am strong.

Jai Robin Jones received her BA from the University of Pittsburgh, her Masters in Social Work from Pitt and an advanced Masters in School Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy from Duquesne University. She has worked professionally in social services and counseling for twenty years. Jai Robin is the mother of three amazing and bright daughters and is a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.

Thank you Jai Robin for reminding us that we need to trust that in every season of our lives, that God's promises will come true.

#NowNovember17,