Now November,
At the Unpluckable Retreat in October I was given a mask, symbolic of how I have been hiding. I was present physically but did not breathe in a lot of the moments in real time at the retreat. I was accustomed to my surroundings on the mat but God reminded me, "GET UP OFF OF YOUR MAT AND WALK!"As a group we were instructed to take our masks off to walk authentically in our purpose. I thought I did, but my mask hurt when it started peeling. I placed it back on and kept it moving like I was okay. I’m used to the mask of being comfortable and not confrontational. I never confront my need to be acknowledged as part of a group, team…….family. I'd rather not confront the rejection and regret of my past. Maybe I am being hard on myself but I now realize, not allowing myself to live without the comfort of the mask, prohibited intimacy with myself and others.I experienced a few firsts in my life this month that caused the mask I have been wearing to peel even more.
#NowNovember 2015 I joined my family on a trip that they paid for; I had nothing to contribute. I was on the edge of my nerves every day waiting for someone to tell me that I owed them for what they put out for me to go. It never happened. This was a new beginning, receiving without anyone expecting anything in return.
A Selah moment for me, the mask was mask peeling more……faith in God.
God was all in this time of NEW BEGINNINGS! I had never been on an airplane. While I prayed for safe travels, as I do for others, anxiety and doubt set in and rode with me each flight. It seemed impossible to bask in all the joys of this new season with my anxious thoughts. I went from a plane to a ship sailing the Pacific Ocean. Out in the middle of nowhere, I prayed that I don’t drown trying to get to my destination. I felt the sway of the boat and heard the ocean water hit against the ship. Just like in my life when people make me aware of the move of God taking place I was thinking, I don’t need you to cause me to become anxious to the current situation. I realized what a control freak I am. If I’m not dictating where things are going and how we’re going to do it; I don’t want to be apart of it. We can’t tell God how things are going to go; He is in control. I am unable to hear what the Spirit is saying because of my controlling ways. Yes, I learned all of this in the course of 10 days.
Where is your faith LaDina? I asked myself this question as I allowed more regret and shame to cause me to feel as if I did not deserve these moments. I will die from unbelief, I know…my thoughts escape me. I know that my faith wavered on my trip. I thought about the gifts and talents in my that could possibly lie dormant forever. I was ready to give up trying to understand what is in me to share but God, in His love and kindness, moved me to tears by the words of encouragement He sent through His willing servants. One person locked their eyes with mine and reminded me of who God says I am and it changed me. He sent another to repeat back to me what I spoke on that mountain at the Unpluckable Retreat about getting up and walking in purpose. Seeing God move in the matter of hours, resuscitated my dying soul. I was not focused, I was giving up, and I was losing faith in a faithful God.
While on vacation I read a book called “A Boy Called ‘It’” about a young man who was viciously abused by his biological mother. He prayed for deliverance and got to a point that he doubted he would. The author stated to himself “How could a just and loving God allow this to happen?” His abuse got to a point of him giving up, he’d rather die. Someone cared enough to get involved and assist in his freedom. He began telling the truth about his situation; he was a child with no one to rescue him, not even his father, who lived with him. His father could barely free himself. He encouraged him at one point, that they’d both be free. The boy and his father were both freed from the control of one person. Not at the same time but at the right time. He attested that his faith in God wavered but it was all he had. After arriving back home, I attended church where the guest pastor spoke on walking in faith and it confirmed to me that I cannot experience the blessings God has for me if I don’t know it is mine or actualize the moment of the blessing.
I learned from not being fully present that I could miss what God is trying to speak to me. #NowNovember I declare: I love God, I have faith in God, and will sing a new song of deliverance to Him. This time, I’ll let the mask fall and shatter.
LaDina Anderson obtained her MSW from University of Pittsburgh. She is passionate about helping people understand grace. LaDina is most proud of being a wife and mother. She resides in Pittsburgh where she is completing her first book.
#NowNovember we are free to be Unpluckable,
#NowNovember 2015 I joined my family on a trip that they paid for; I had nothing to contribute. I was on the edge of my nerves every day waiting for someone to tell me that I owed them for what they put out for me to go. It never happened. This was a new beginning, receiving without anyone expecting anything in return.
A Selah moment for me, the mask was mask peeling more……faith in God.
God was all in this time of NEW BEGINNINGS! I had never been on an airplane. While I prayed for safe travels, as I do for others, anxiety and doubt set in and rode with me each flight. It seemed impossible to bask in all the joys of this new season with my anxious thoughts. I went from a plane to a ship sailing the Pacific Ocean. Out in the middle of nowhere, I prayed that I don’t drown trying to get to my destination. I felt the sway of the boat and heard the ocean water hit against the ship. Just like in my life when people make me aware of the move of God taking place I was thinking, I don’t need you to cause me to become anxious to the current situation. I realized what a control freak I am. If I’m not dictating where things are going and how we’re going to do it; I don’t want to be apart of it. We can’t tell God how things are going to go; He is in control. I am unable to hear what the Spirit is saying because of my controlling ways. Yes, I learned all of this in the course of 10 days.
Where is your faith LaDina? I asked myself this question as I allowed more regret and shame to cause me to feel as if I did not deserve these moments. I will die from unbelief, I know…my thoughts escape me. I know that my faith wavered on my trip. I thought about the gifts and talents in my that could possibly lie dormant forever. I was ready to give up trying to understand what is in me to share but God, in His love and kindness, moved me to tears by the words of encouragement He sent through His willing servants. One person locked their eyes with mine and reminded me of who God says I am and it changed me. He sent another to repeat back to me what I spoke on that mountain at the Unpluckable Retreat about getting up and walking in purpose. Seeing God move in the matter of hours, resuscitated my dying soul. I was not focused, I was giving up, and I was losing faith in a faithful God.
While on vacation I read a book called “A Boy Called ‘It’” about a young man who was viciously abused by his biological mother. He prayed for deliverance and got to a point that he doubted he would. The author stated to himself “How could a just and loving God allow this to happen?” His abuse got to a point of him giving up, he’d rather die. Someone cared enough to get involved and assist in his freedom. He began telling the truth about his situation; he was a child with no one to rescue him, not even his father, who lived with him. His father could barely free himself. He encouraged him at one point, that they’d both be free. The boy and his father were both freed from the control of one person. Not at the same time but at the right time. He attested that his faith in God wavered but it was all he had. After arriving back home, I attended church where the guest pastor spoke on walking in faith and it confirmed to me that I cannot experience the blessings God has for me if I don’t know it is mine or actualize the moment of the blessing.
LaDina Anderson obtained her MSW from University of Pittsburgh. She is passionate about helping people understand grace. LaDina is most proud of being a wife and mother. She resides in Pittsburgh where she is completing her first book.
#NowNovember we are free to be Unpluckable,
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