This post is long but it is worth the read. We look at young girls and wonder why they act the way they do. Maybe there is more to the story:
As women, we learn to be strong…because we have to be. Some of us raise our children as single mothers or are the strong supports for our mates.
We work multiple jobs for less than we are worth…….survive abusive relationships, feeling unloved and unwanted while we “keep it moving.” "Keeping it moving” doesn't work. As a result….we are very, very, broken.
Imagine this unbearable feeling of brokenness at thirteen years old. At that age you have no one to guide you or show you how to overcome the constant battle between good and evil that exists within your soul and sucks the very life from you every second, and will eventually destroy you.
Today, I challenge you…..no…..I DARE you, do not look the other way or label the young girls you see as bad, no good, delinquents, a lost cause, no good or worthless. No young person is born bad there is always a reason for their behavior that may not be visible on the surface. Believe me, it is there our young women are severely suffering and fighting an internal battle every single second of their precious lives. So I challenge you…..no….I BEG you…..do not look the other way……reach out and help a young lady today - share your own journey with her so that she can see that she is not alone…..and despite her past or current situation…..she too….just like you….can still achieve a phenomenal future!
My grandmother lived on Race Street in Homewood, which was where I spent the majority of my time growing up. Homewood wasn’t a bad place to grow up. We played outside until the street lights came on, and everybody’s grandmother was your grandmother. We were one big family.
But I had my own issues.
I loved my grandmother deeply, and being over her house was my favorite place in the world to be. The only problem was that my grandfather insisted on hugging me so tightly that my chest would rub against his body. As I grew older he stopped kissing me on the cheek and started kissing me in my mouth. Well this doesn’t feel right, but, oh well, I’m just a kid, what do I know? I kept it moving and life went on.
I was just a kid, but I had other things to worry about, way more important than this issue with Chuck, (in my mind). My mom drank A LOT, and in my mind, it was my job to make sure she was safe since my dad was not around to look after her. I didn’t realize at the time that she suffered from alcoholism. I loved my dad with ALL of my heart, but he was in jail most of the time. I spent a lot of time waiting for him to come home. He came home, but he would go right back to jail. Then, that last time, I waited so long for him, and he finally came home. I was 10 years old and finally had my
dad back! Then we got the phone call from the hospital. When we got there, my mom and my grandma were sobbing. They took me in that little room, and they told me my dad was never coming back. He had died from a drug overdose. The pain in my soul was deep but I had to keep it moving.
I didn’t look like the other girls in school. I was skinny, with size 10 feet since sixth grade, big glasses, and a HUGE forehead that my mom refused to cover up with a bangs, regardless of how much I begged her! I was a NERD, and I was bullied all the time. Kids would punch me in the back of my head for no reason. NOBODY liked me.
In high school I blossomed but the girls bullied me because to them I wasn’t "ugly enough." When I discovered that boys liked me (as long as I stayed “friendly”by smoking and drinking to keep me “friendly.”I stayed high and drunk and I thought I was happy. Remember my mom suffered from alcoholism and my dad died from a drug overdose; I inherited a long line of family addictions to drugs and alcohol, from all sides of the family tree. My uncle, my mom’s brother and best-friend, also died from a drug overdose.
I went to college; but unfortunately my thirst for happiness had also graduated to an entirely new level. There was a spirit of rage within me that consumed my soul. I was angry all the time. My outlets were my friends that stayed high and drunk. We robbed together, we beat a few folks to near death, we even went to jail together. My family was supportive because they knew that if they had any problems with anyone, I would show up and show out! They talked about me behind my back every time I went to jail. They said I was worthless and I would never amount to anything.
To everyone’s surprise I graduated from college by the skin of my teeth. My “love” and I were going to get married and everything! He had a small temper problem and would use my body to smash furniture, but we were in love, I believed he would get better. After three years I got pregnant! He didn’t abuse me while I was pregnant, (not counting the close incidents, like the time he contemplated throwing me through the window). I survived the pregnancy unharmed.
Then there was that one argument, when I was on the bed next to my newborn and he hurled a fork at me that landed inches from my son. It pierced the mattress and that was the last straw. My own life had not been important enough to leave him, but I knew I had to protect my child. Our blessing came when he went to jail a little while after the fork incident, I packed us up and moved us out.
It was not easy being a single mother but we managed. I worked hard, and God graced us. When my son was six I found someone that "loved" me so I gave him the key and let him move in. He was aggressive, but I pawned it off as him really liking me. He would call me every few hours, know where I went for lunch and the exact time I left work. He would ask a lot of questions about my whereabouts and we would argue a lot. Eventually he started throwing fits and smashing my furniture. He would hide in the closet and the bushes. It got creepy so I told him it was time to go. Well, the conversation ended with him raping me and burning down our house. We lost everything but the dog.
I was exhausted and broken. I thought no one could fix me but God picked me up, carried me and guided me. I understood that He had been in my life the entire time, but I had not been ready to hear Him back then. I asked Him “Why me?!?” He answered me, "your journey had nothing to do with you. I needed you to endure that journey so that you would have the ability to walk other young ladies through their difficult journeys." I went through all of my trauma so I could help lift young girls out of their brokenness and show them that regardless of their past or current situation, they can achieve ANYTHING!
Isis Chatman is a proud graduate of the University of Pittsburgh. She has worked in the field of Social Services for over 20 years as a Case Manager. God has restored her lost possessions and blessed her with a phenomenal man of God who is an extraordinary husband and an awesome father to their 19 year old son. You can connect with Isis through work as Founder and Director of Ruth’s Way, Inc. a faith-based, non-profit, Achievement Consulting Agency for Adolescent girls. Despite the pain that her journey brought her, Ruth prevailed in the end, by God’s grace, as did Isis.
Be daring. Go get your dreams!
As women, we learn to be strong…because we have to be. Some of us raise our children as single mothers or are the strong supports for our mates.
We work multiple jobs for less than we are worth…….survive abusive relationships, feeling unloved and unwanted while we “keep it moving.” "Keeping it moving” doesn't work. As a result….we are very, very, broken.
Imagine this unbearable feeling of brokenness at thirteen years old. At that age you have no one to guide you or show you how to overcome the constant battle between good and evil that exists within your soul and sucks the very life from you every second, and will eventually destroy you.
Today, I challenge you…..no…..I DARE you, do not look the other way or label the young girls you see as bad, no good, delinquents, a lost cause, no good or worthless. No young person is born bad there is always a reason for their behavior that may not be visible on the surface. Believe me, it is there our young women are severely suffering and fighting an internal battle every single second of their precious lives. So I challenge you…..no….I BEG you…..do not look the other way……reach out and help a young lady today - share your own journey with her so that she can see that she is not alone…..and despite her past or current situation…..she too….just like you….can still achieve a phenomenal future!
My grandmother lived on Race Street in Homewood, which was where I spent the majority of my time growing up. Homewood wasn’t a bad place to grow up. We played outside until the street lights came on, and everybody’s grandmother was your grandmother. We were one big family.
But I had my own issues.
I loved my grandmother deeply, and being over her house was my favorite place in the world to be. The only problem was that my grandfather insisted on hugging me so tightly that my chest would rub against his body. As I grew older he stopped kissing me on the cheek and started kissing me in my mouth. Well this doesn’t feel right, but, oh well, I’m just a kid, what do I know? I kept it moving and life went on.
I was just a kid, but I had other things to worry about, way more important than this issue with Chuck, (in my mind). My mom drank A LOT, and in my mind, it was my job to make sure she was safe since my dad was not around to look after her. I didn’t realize at the time that she suffered from alcoholism. I loved my dad with ALL of my heart, but he was in jail most of the time. I spent a lot of time waiting for him to come home. He came home, but he would go right back to jail. Then, that last time, I waited so long for him, and he finally came home. I was 10 years old and finally had my
dad back! Then we got the phone call from the hospital. When we got there, my mom and my grandma were sobbing. They took me in that little room, and they told me my dad was never coming back. He had died from a drug overdose. The pain in my soul was deep but I had to keep it moving.
I didn’t look like the other girls in school. I was skinny, with size 10 feet since sixth grade, big glasses, and a HUGE forehead that my mom refused to cover up with a bangs, regardless of how much I begged her! I was a NERD, and I was bullied all the time. Kids would punch me in the back of my head for no reason. NOBODY liked me.
In high school I blossomed but the girls bullied me because to them I wasn’t "ugly enough." When I discovered that boys liked me (as long as I stayed “friendly”by smoking and drinking to keep me “friendly.”I stayed high and drunk and I thought I was happy. Remember my mom suffered from alcoholism and my dad died from a drug overdose; I inherited a long line of family addictions to drugs and alcohol, from all sides of the family tree. My uncle, my mom’s brother and best-friend, also died from a drug overdose.
I went to college; but unfortunately my thirst for happiness had also graduated to an entirely new level. There was a spirit of rage within me that consumed my soul. I was angry all the time. My outlets were my friends that stayed high and drunk. We robbed together, we beat a few folks to near death, we even went to jail together. My family was supportive because they knew that if they had any problems with anyone, I would show up and show out! They talked about me behind my back every time I went to jail. They said I was worthless and I would never amount to anything.
To everyone’s surprise I graduated from college by the skin of my teeth. My “love” and I were going to get married and everything! He had a small temper problem and would use my body to smash furniture, but we were in love, I believed he would get better. After three years I got pregnant! He didn’t abuse me while I was pregnant, (not counting the close incidents, like the time he contemplated throwing me through the window). I survived the pregnancy unharmed.
Then there was that one argument, when I was on the bed next to my newborn and he hurled a fork at me that landed inches from my son. It pierced the mattress and that was the last straw. My own life had not been important enough to leave him, but I knew I had to protect my child. Our blessing came when he went to jail a little while after the fork incident, I packed us up and moved us out.
It was not easy being a single mother but we managed. I worked hard, and God graced us. When my son was six I found someone that "loved" me so I gave him the key and let him move in. He was aggressive, but I pawned it off as him really liking me. He would call me every few hours, know where I went for lunch and the exact time I left work. He would ask a lot of questions about my whereabouts and we would argue a lot. Eventually he started throwing fits and smashing my furniture. He would hide in the closet and the bushes. It got creepy so I told him it was time to go. Well, the conversation ended with him raping me and burning down our house. We lost everything but the dog.
I was exhausted and broken. I thought no one could fix me but God picked me up, carried me and guided me. I understood that He had been in my life the entire time, but I had not been ready to hear Him back then. I asked Him “Why me?!?” He answered me, "your journey had nothing to do with you. I needed you to endure that journey so that you would have the ability to walk other young ladies through their difficult journeys." I went through all of my trauma so I could help lift young girls out of their brokenness and show them that regardless of their past or current situation, they can achieve ANYTHING!
Be daring. Go get your dreams!
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