#NowNovember16: Deatrice Mena

Hello Scribes,

It seems that #NowNovember16 has taught us a lot about grief and loss. During the holidays we have to be mindful that some people do feel "blue" because of lost loved ones. Deatrice Mena is sharing about the day she met grief when she lost her son Cavelle:

Deatrice Mena is a loving mother of four children. Cavelle, Deatrice's oldest son  unexpectedly,  he passed away on 11/27/2016 at the age of 19. "He taught me how to love unconditionally and without limits. He is still loved and missed beyond what my words can express."

I wasn't going to do it; but his story must be told.... 

On November 27, 2015, my first born child, Cavelle Mena, UNEXPECTEDLY passed his way in his sleep. Even close to a year later, I remember that day's events just as though it was yesterday. The day before, November 26, was Thanksgiving Day and my birthday. There were no big bells and whistles happening that day, my four kids and I were just gonna relax and chill at home. 

All the kids hung out in Cavelle's room. They were watching TV,  playing on his computer or playing whatever on their phones.  The day was so 'regular' that we didn't take any pictures together. Total R & R for the day.   

Evening came. 

Bedtime came. 

Goodnite all.... 

At some point after midnight,  Cavelle began to cry in pain. I went into his room, he was awake and kinda scratching at his feeding tube. I 'fix the issue' and go back across the hall to bed. Fast forward two hours. I wake up to Cavelle SCREAMING and CRYING in pain. I jumped out of my bed to investigate and without my glasses I could see he was clawing and scratching at his feeding line and his farral bag that was connected to drain the contents of his stomach. 

I flushed the tubes while he was hollering and whatnot.  No relief. I gave him his one pain medication. No relief. I flushed the tubes and gave him his other pain medication. Nothing changed.  He was still crying. Still clawing.  Still scratching.  I wasn't able to give him any more medications for hours. I turned his TV on and he turned his head to "watch" it. Although he was legally blind,  he enjoyed watching TV. 

I went back to bed. He was still crying. I was listening and praying that he settled down and the pain medications would kick in ASAP.  I got up in the morning and peeked inside his doorway, he was good. I said to myself  "I'ma get him started after I take my boyfriend to work and start a load of laundry." When it was time to get Cavelle's day going.  Feedings. Medications. Breathing treatments.  Bed bath. Clothing. Up in wheelchair. Our routine has been pretty much the same for his 19 years. I was happy that he was able to fall asleep. The other three kids were up and had assumed their various positions on the sectional to watch TV. 

That day, I went inside his room ready to do my thing. He was still 'sleeping'. I went to his bedside, unzipped his netting, gave my morning greeting and realized that my child was gone! He was dead! I had to stay calm and not alarm the other three; I sent them around the corner to my sister's house until I figured out what happened.   

Tears began to fall. I grabbed my house phone and called 911 from my bedroom across the hall. I remember whispering to the lady, "I think my son died in his sleep." She told me to go back to his room and see if he was breathing. He wasn't.  First responders showed up and confirmed my fear. Yes. My child was gone!!! My first thought was "What am I gonna do now?"  I was beyond blown away. 

My son is no longer here! No more wheelchair.  No more machines. No more tubes everywhere.  Wow!!! Here we are, one week away from the one year mark and I STILL can't believe it. a

I didn't clean and pack his room up for a couple months.  The craziest thing was the silence. For 19 years, I listened to his various machines running, beeping, humming and chiming. Now, NOTHING BUT QUIET! Nonetheless,  I am thankful for the journey, ups and downs. 

#NowNovember16 I am #MissingMySon #Forever19 #RWGCavelle

#NowNovember16, our children teach us how to love. Our children deserve our best love,