Hello Scribes,
Jaquan Postell is one of the most creative people I know. From her books, plays, live recordings and our intentional conversations I am either laughing, crying or thinking deeply. In this edition of #NowNovember16, Jaquan is sharing how she has adjusted to being a daughter without the covering of a father:
Make Sure You’re Healthy First…Daddy Issues
I always believed I was different than other girls whose fathers abandoned them. I was raised by a great mother; she made sure my sister and I never wanted for anything. Not having my father in my life never affected me - until I got married.
I married a great man. He loves me unconditionally. He treats me wonderfully and the majority of the time I treat him wonderfully. Sometimes, without warning, smack dab in the middle of my marriage appears my "daddy issues." When I pout, I want him to comfort me. When I’m angry, I want him to diffuse me. When I’m worried, I want him to reassure me. When I’m scared, I want him to protect me. My expectations of my husband were not fair; he’s my husband, not my father, and not my God.
There’s more…I thought my husband should automatically know what I needed: when to hold me, when to touch me and when to kiss me. If he didn’t do those things, then maybe he didn’t really love me. Without his knowledge, he was playing a game of chess and I dictated his every move. My father never stepped up to the plate but my husband did. Before long, I unknowingly cast him for the role of DADDY. I wanted him to be everything that my father refused to be. Expecting my husband to somehow heal the wounds brought on by my father’s absence was unfair. It was a role that he should have never been forced to play.
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Baby Mama Drama
Your father’s blood is pumping through your veins but his lack of integrity is not your burden to carry. Your mother chose your father, not you. The disappointment was hers and hers alone to bear. She was abandoned, not you. It is NOT your fault. Quit taking on the burden of others. Free yourself so that you can live a burden free life.#NowNovember16 we are the best of both of our parents whether we choose to believe it or not, their absence from our lives changes us, yet we are still required to live on purpose,
TOO MANY DARN EMOTIONS!!! I not only had unrealistic expectations for my husband but I also had too many darn emotions. My emotions were all over the place. Failing to deal with the issues from my past was driving me crazy…literally. I dealt with my issues by whining, pouting and yelling and when it all came to a head, I would cry in secret. My emotions were ruining and ruling my life.
During one of my many vent sessions, while sitting with three co-workers, a quick thought ran through my flustered mind. The thought was simple, “Get help.” It was true. I needed help. I was venting to whoever would listen. I vented with humor, passion and a lot of rage.My suggestions:
- Do you believe that you suffer with daddy issues?
- Do you have unfair expectations of your mate?
- Do you expect your mate to make up for your deficiencies?
- Do you think your mate will hurt you the same way your father did?
- Seek good counsel: Get the help needed to help you move toward a healthier and productive YOU. Discuss why you may have unfair expectations of your mate. Discuss any daddy issues you may have.
- Heal: Taking time to heal is a MUST. Healing is the next step in the journey to being whole. Give your heart the time and space needed to recover from the years of hurt endured. Once the healing process begins, every other area of your life will be positively impacted too.
- Forgive: Forgiving the people that hurt you is key! Forgiveness is not for others… it’s for you. Making the decision to forgive is the only way to truly be healed.
- LIVE: Moving on with your life is essential. After you have sought good counsel and forgiven, it is time to go LIVE every day on purpose! Enjoy your burden-free relationship. Make every day count. Being free of past hurts will revitalize you in every way imaginable. Enjoy the gift of LIFE!
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