#NowNovember16: Penda James

Hello Scribes,

#NowNovember16.

In 2015 I wanted to give some of my coaching clients and friends a safe place to write. It was about giving them an opportunity to think outside of the box. A few people accepted the challenge to "write through it" and I was ecstatic. But this year, what I have learned is that God had a bigger plan for all of us. As writers we were required to stretch ourselves and go deeper into our thought processes to stand on our roots.

Never could I have imagined that people would interpret two words in so many heartfelt and powerful ways. November has become a like the teacher we love to hate who forces us to identify and learn from life's lessons. As I reflect on my #NowNovember, I can see where faith has upheld me even when felt fragile:

Penda L. James wears many hats but she seeks to live a life pleasing to God.
As a Scribe Coach with InSCRIBEd Inspiration, LLC, she gives people a safe place to tell their stories and leave a legacy.
Penda recognizes that as long as she lives, she must keep growing.

#NowNovember16,

Forgive me. 

I have loved what you represented but did not understand the depth of the process your change requires. Change is more than the change itself; it is the process that makes change so great. As we are transformed, we become better than we were before. How can I appreciate the orange and red leaves without embracing that they must fall from tree limbs and turn brown? How can I celebrate the beauty of change and overlook the dark side that comes with each phase? 

Let me tell you something November, I used to feel at home with you. In you many changes occur at one time and you remain the same. I expect to fall back on my clock. I honor on veterans on Veteran's Day, celebrate gratitude on Thanksgiving and rest or shop on Black Friday. But this year I looked at the calendar and recognized that as I have aged, we have grown apart. I walked into November broken and limping this year. Where once there were vibrant leaves on my tree of life, I have stumps that remind me what used to be. My existence feels like you November, falling leaves, unpredictable temperatures and unwelcome darkness where there should be light. I invite myself to Fall in November, and I hit the ground hard this time. There is no going back to what was, I can only stand on God's promise that I have an unpluckable existence in him. There is always room for growth. Right? 

Woulda, coulda regrets are inscribed in me from lessons learned in my transformation - the regrets and nuggets of wisdom now serve as instructions for the future. I watched my mother and mother in love fight for their lives, the least I can do is live like I have purpose. 

If I could go back to last November I would have held on tighter and longer to my loved ones. There were times that I fought for what I believed in, but I didn't always speak with authority in Christ. When I stood in the face of adversity I stood with some courage, not enough. If I could go back, I would have spoken less and listened more. Some of my words spoken out of ignorance or out of turn have cut people out of my life that I love deeply.

#NowNovember you have come with many lessons. If I knew then what I know now, I would have asked for forgiveness and extended more grace. I can't change the past or resurrect dead things but as I transform I must learn to let go of what I cannot control. It is my desire to live beyond what I have done wrong while remembering that I am not perfect. 

 #NowNovember16 I am walking one day at a time into a new season I have not seen before. I see it now November, I had to experience the process of change in order to feel the power of transformation. My name has always been Penda and I finally embrace my name and my crown. 

Thank you for being an example of change November. When I feel fragile, all I have to do is stand, God will work it out for my good through the process. 

#NowNovember16 I have been changed,