Daddy's Girl!

Fatherhood seems to be a hot topic these days. It is hot because many are without fathers or father figures. I understand that and it pains me when I hear venom being spewed about fathers. I know many strong single mothers, and I know that it hurts them when they can't answer their child's questions about fathers. I thank God that my experience with my father has been a blessing; I can't imagine my life without him or the number of father figures who have stood with me. I have one blood uncle, an awesome Godfather, many Omega Psi Phi Uncles and numerous other men that Daddy strategically positioned around us even when we didn't know we were being watched. He had eyes everywhere. I remember him calling me when I was at Wilberforce one time, "Pen, why you got the fast look and wearing sweat pants everyday?" Yeah, I had gym twice a week.

Although I recognize that for safety sometimes fathers must be separated from their children in issues of domestic violence or other situations, I wish every child had a father who could protect them, love them, support them and plant seeds of fortitude in them. All fathers are not like that. My Daddy isn't Cliff Huxtable or Mike Brady, he's Wonderful Will Horton and trying to compare him to what I saw in others was often a barrier between us. My Daddy is my Daddy and I am a Daddy's Girl, even at 40.

As an adult I have grown to appreciate my father so much more than I did as a child. Some things we discussed I didn't understand or know how to implement so I fought him by ignoring his suggestions, hiding from him when I knew I didn't do my best and refusing to ask him for help. That's so stupid, but I am thankful that my daddy is still here, he gave us a scare recently but the pit bull in him won't let him quit. We still have time. I thank God for that.

Now I see that all along he wanted us (my three siblings and I) to be, and have God's best. The techniques were sometimes rough, but he made us strong. What he did is groom us to value family, hard work and integrity.You have to know my Daddy to understand his intentions, he's old school for real. You better call him Mr. Horton.

My daughter loves her Grandpa, sometimes I get jealous cause he calls her his baby. I'm his baby! But the love of a Grandfather is rich and enriching. I lost mine at an early age and I still miss them both. Grandpa Horton was one of my best friends growing up, he was known in the city for community service. He never got to see any of his Great Grandchildren.

On holidays it is hard to be away from my family of origin because we are so close. I'm married now and I have a family of my own. The  little girl in me often yearns to be with my people in Dayton, but sometimes that isn't possible. I hide in the bathroom and cry so that my daughter never knows the pain I feel. I never want her to see that struggle. I want her to know that she has many people who love her. More than just her daddy and I. But not that it's her fault I can't go "home."

AJ has never been able to sleep when her father is not home. Hearing his voice sometimes is the only salve she needs on her nighttime routine. He speaks and she falls right to sleep. Sometimes I can't comfort  her, she needs his big strong arms of protection to wrap around her and hold her close. There are going to be things that I won't be able to talk to her about because her Daddy will be the only one with the answer. I understand that I'm not her father, it is a big enough responsibility to be her mother, I can't do both.

So this father's day 2014 I have much to be thankful for. My Daddy is still  here!!!!!! Although I can't see him today I celebrate him at every opportunity. I have a husband who is the father of nations and there have been many men, who have shaped the woman I am today. My father in law is another Daddy in my life too. I celebrate the fathers who are doing everything in their power to be good dads. And, those who are not right now, I pray that you yearn for your children in such a way that it causes you to stand up in your role with confidence.

Girl, Pray for Me.

PLJ