#NowNovember16: Taurus Blannon

Hello Scribes,

Music has been part of my family for as long as I can remember. When I received Taurus' post about Prince, it brought tears to my eyes. My mother died one day before Prince. As I watched everyone change their profile photos to honor Prince, I was grieving my mother who had a huge crush on him. Although this post is long, take the time to read it and reflect on how music influences your life. 

Introducing: Author and Screenwriter, Taurus Blannon:

My name is Taurus Blannon. I am a proud husband and father of a beautiful daughter and son.
Writing is my freedom and escape. I don’t tell stories I release what is screaming to be released from my mind.
Look out for a TV drama, and my memoir "The Obese in Me.

Back in April I had my heart broken. Because I am an Aries, April should be a magical month for me. All of the astrological stuff I read says that Aries are fiery, intelligent, creative, thrill-seeking and emotional people. I find this to be true about myself. It’s #NowNovember and my heart is still broken. Until it happened to me, I wondered how people could cry over someone they didn’t know. I cried for months when Prince died. Sometimes I felt foolish; I didn’t know Prince but it felt like he knew me. I thought it was sad when Michael Jackson, Rick James and Whitney Houston passed on but their music didn’t effect me like Prince’s did. 

I am in the process of writing a TV series. The process is not easy. I find myself drawing and channeling from resources and sources I didn’t know were there. I found out that most “Artsy People” have these little idiosyncrasies. If I’m honest I guess I’m a little quirky already. I must have certain things as a part of my writing process: juice or tea and I need to hear music. Silence does me no good while the voices or words in my head try desperately to escape. I’ve come to the conclusion that music gives the left part of my brain something to focus on, while the right side is literally kicking my thoughts out.

Before I write it is a ritual to listen to a Prince song entitled“ When We’re Dancing Close and Slow.” The close and slow, intimate dance is between me and a pen, or finger and keyboard. This dance is a driving force to bear my soul, until it is butt naked! The piano riff in the beginning is a sad but teasingly sensual kind of note. This song climbs into my soul every time I hear it. It almost feels as if Prince is tapping on my brain as he’s tapping the piano. The gentle acoustic guitar is plucking away at my heartstrings. The last minute and a half of the song is a beautiful instrumental piece. There is a keyboard that sounds like an angel harmonizing.  When I’m done I can’t read my work. I send it immediately to my “ PenCoPop” sisters. (That stands for Penda James, Coca Daniels and the Pop… well that’s me, Poppy). I trust these two sistas with my most intimate thoughts. They are my community, my confidantes, my friends, and my family!

My introduction to Prince was at eight years old when I started digging through my Dad’s crates of vinyl records. I came across an album with this cat who looked like a girl. I mean he had long hair and an earring. The only way I knew it was a man was because of the mustache. The first song that caught my attention was “I Wanna Be Your Lover.” The song was funky as hell with a nice groove you could dance to. The song that really got my attention was called “Bambi.” It had a combination of funk and rock and on the chorus was a serious rock guitar riff. Prince screamed, “Bambi, it’s better with a man!” I had no clue what he meant, but I knew it was funky!

In 1984 when I was ten “Purple Rain” was released to the world. At that age I was fascinated with anything that appeared to be an enigma. The same girly-looking, screaming man was naked riding a unicorn on the cover. I found myself digging for older Prince albums after hearing it. My Dad dropped a bomb on me when he told me, “Prince plays every instrument on his albums.” I had been amazed to watch Stevie Wonder play multiple instruments. My dad’s information gave me motivation to listen to Prince’s music. “Sign O’ the Times” came out in 1987 and changed my life. It was around the time I had started writing. When my Dad introduced me to Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On?” the political messages opened me up and prepared me for “Sign.” 

Growing up in the 80’s was not an easy task being a Prince fan. Among my hardcore hip-hop friends I was considered “weird“ among my peers.  I didn’t see weird, I saw genius in Prince's work. Despite the “gay” rhetoric that went along with Prince, being a fan of his brought me the same labeling. Friends could not understand my living paradox. On one hand I was an avid Prince supporter, on the other hand I was a “dope” young rapper. How could I be a fan of hip-hop and Prince? As if the two couldn’t exist. Don’t get it twisted, the gay looking dude with the stiletto heels and midriff blouses would bag your chick in a heartbeat. Even stranger, among my peers this Prince fan was known to bust anyone’s ass in a rap battle. 

Even as recently as a few days ago a coworker made the statement that I was feminine. This was not the first time I’ve heard this. However at the age of forty-two I was a tad curious how I, a father and the spouse of an absolutely gorgeous woman that appreciates my manliness could be seen as feminine. Evidently a pretty-faced, well-groomed, well-mannered and well-spoken man is seen as being feminine. I “charged it to the game” and knew it was her issue not mine. I love me some… well you get the point. I guess like Prince's alter ego named Camille, I have a feminine side too. For Prince, Camille was the high-pitched voice you heard on songs like "Shockadelicka", "You Got the Look" and "If I Was Your Girlfriend."  Speaking Scientifically we are all made of both X and Y-chromosomes.  Men have femininity and women have masculinity. It is what it is. Had it not been for Prince I would probably in denial of this trait. However as he did, I embrace this idea of male femininity. I’m very comfortable in the skin that I’m in, a healthy heterosexual male that embraces the Y chromosome.

Prince spoke of war, drug abuse going to the moon, abortion and childbirth. The confessional beg of intimacy in ”If I Was Your Girlfriend“ was mesmerizing. He longed for the closeness of a best friend, with his lover. His offer to take a bath with her, wash her hair, make her breakfast and cry with her was a portal to my own sensitivities.  The cut “Adore” offered a glimpse into his more affectionate side. He declared when they made love Angels looked down upon the crying… Wow! It was analogies like this that helped me graft my own writing. As I’m typing this “ Sometimes it Snows in April” is playing.  I can feel the emotion brewing in my fingertips as I type. 

Back to April.

April will forever hurt my soul. My birthday is April 1. The day after my birthday this year my life changed forever. I was on my way to work when I fell asleep behind the wheel. When I awakened I was being pulled from my car by a paramedic. When I asked what happened I was told I had a stroke and wrecked my car. I was in disbelief. As I was being wheeled to the hospital in the ambulance something in my soul told me my days as a Port Authority bus driver were over. When the cardiologist came to see me that evening he confirmed what I felt. My heart was weak and I needed a pacemaker.  Initially I was numb. Then the thought of providing for my family kicked in. I became an emotional wreck, crying my ass off. I picked up my phone and called my Dad. “Dad my career is over. I can’t drive the bus anymore!” My Dad listened to me weep then he told me, “You are going to get yourself together for your wife and children.“ I was in a pity filled emotional trance and he snapped me out of it. 

As I laid in my bed deep in thought I happened to glance up at the TV to see journalist and author Touré speaking. I’m a huge fan of his work so I turned the volume up as he told a story from his book “I Would Die for You” about playing basketball with Prince.  I thought about my family. I could still see the look on my daughter’s face when she walked into the hospital and saw me hooked up to all those machines. The wires on my chest must have scared her. The sentiment “I Would Die For You” came into my mind. I needed that book! 

I was released from the hospital on a Thursday night. That Saturday I took my daughter on a trip to the Carnegie Library and got the book. Being the obsessive-compulsive person I am I dove right in. Every free chance I got I was reading. Touré dove deep and broke down how The Purple One intertwined spirituality, sex, and a state of being free into many of his lyrics. Several songs we hear that we think are about sex are actually about God. Take 1987’s “Forever in my life“ and 1988's “Anastasia” off 1988’s “Lovey Sexy”. The controversial album cover for "Lovey Sexy" showed Prince naked behind what looked like the Garden of Eden. Anastasia talks about loneliness and finding love of self through God. Anastasia was an Angel. In the song Prince confesses “Maybe I could learn to love if I was close to something, close to my higher self. I don’t know. . .” I suggest you listen closely to the songs for yourself. Prince's lyrics helped me be okay with finding that inner God within me.  In regards to organized religion, I rebelled against it at age thirteen. Part of my rebellion was the cultural diversity that I experienced growing up in New Jersey. Despite the fact Prince sang about Jesus he also sang and spoke of spirituality. In an interview I heard him say he compartmentalized between the two; religion being someone else's experience versus spirituality being your own experience. 

On the morning of April 21, 2016 I got up to handle some business. Afterward I went to visit a coworker. As we sat around talking I started to receive text messages that PRINCE DIED! I didn’t take it seriously. That morning I heard they took a body off of his property but it never dawned on me it was Prince. After three of these texts I called my fiancée, she said she would look for some news. I couldn't look it up for myself, there was not signal in my co worker's house. My fiancée called me back and verified that the rumors were true. My world stopped and everything became silent. I was numb. I had to leave my friend. I jumped in my car and sped off. In the aftermath of Prince’s death I didn’t have to search for his music, I loaded my Prince playlist. 

On my drive my mother called me. The same woman who bought me my fist Prince tape “Purple Rain” then turned around and told me I couldn’t listen to it in her house. She labeled his music evil and demonic. “I’m sorry to hear about Prince. I know how much he meant to you."  I was not paying attention to where I was going and driving on instinct I drove past the spot where I had my life-changing accident. I stopped momentarily. "I Would Die 4 U" started to play. It was an eerie moment for me. Once I got home I half-heartedly hugged my family and went to my bedroom. I closed the door and clicked on the TV. For about three hours I watched anything I could watch on Prince. Knowing my house I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was wanted or needed. My son crawled into my room. I picked him up and placed him on the bed with me. I held him and cried. My fiancée came in and laid across the bed. The video for "Kiss" came on and my son began doing the “baby rock” I recorded him and posted it to Facebook. My nine-month old son rocking to Prince gave me a painful joy.

It is #NowNovember16 and my heart still hurts at the loss of the most influential artist I’ve ever heard. Disbelief is still there along with the love for Prince’s music. Besides my father  and my spiritual enlightener I learned more from Prince‘s music than any other being walking, or talking. Prince showed me through his music how to get close to and talk to God. Prince showed me how to be comfortable with me.

I will forever be thankful for walking in the experience and bathing in the Purple Rain.

NowNovember16, we should all listen to our favorite song and write about how it influences us,