I woke up this morning and realized that it is April 15, 2017. Most people are worried about their taxes. I'm thinking about how fifteen is five days from twenty.
Five days from now is the date that my mom made her transition to peace. I have known that this date was coming, I tried not to count up the days but I couldn't help myself. Every day without my mom has been, well . . . different than the rest of my life. The newness of every special event holding a space for where she and my mother and law "would be" sitting is always fresh on my mind. It will continue to be, it is my new normal.
On days that I feel the most grief I try to write through the pain. Scribes, I encourage you to write though whatever you need to inscribe. The best time to write is when you are in your authentic emotions. I write even when I have to get up from the laptop and wail; the words pull me back to inscribe them. One day I wrote this six line poem and it took me a long time but I felt better when I finished. The direction I needed was in the last line:
Good Friday is the day we as Christians reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. For anything we want, we have to make a sacrifice to make it happen. I am willing to nail my fears of living life without my mother and mother in law to the cross. I will pass on the lessons they taught me and give those good "Ms. Marilyn" hugs to anyone who needs to feel love. That's what they named me "Love."
Take a few minutes to reflect on what you want your legacy to be. If you are not already doing something about it, do it. Write it down and share it with me @penscribed. We have to make a sacrifice to get what we want. I plan to pour myself into my legacy even when it hurts.
It's all in the legacy,
Five days from now is the date that my mom made her transition to peace. I have known that this date was coming, I tried not to count up the days but I couldn't help myself. Every day without my mom has been, well . . . different than the rest of my life. The newness of every special event holding a space for where she and my mother and law "would be" sitting is always fresh on my mind. It will continue to be, it is my new normal.On days that I feel the most grief I try to write through the pain. Scribes, I encourage you to write though whatever you need to inscribe. The best time to write is when you are in your authentic emotions. I write even when I have to get up from the laptop and wail; the words pull me back to inscribe them. One day I wrote this six line poem and it took me a long time but I felt better when I finished. The direction I needed was in the last line:
The scar on my soul screams for salveMy parents taught us about purpose and legacy. We watched them work in the community, with their civic groups and with people walking by their home. My parents had high expectations for us growing up, (I'm still trying to live up to getting my Doctorate). I'm searching myself to remember what Mommy taught me so I can inscribe it for others. Thank God that technology allows me to stretch myself from Georgia to Ohio so I can be with my family virtually. I'm trying to give myself grace because since her death I have gained weight. I found it easy to be negative about that change until my sisterfriend told me the other day, "Be nicer to Penda. I like her."
There is none
I must live through this with the scar as a reminder
Mommy is gone, a seed planted so I can live
I must live to silence the screams.
June 17, 2016
Good Friday is the day we as Christians reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. For anything we want, we have to make a sacrifice to make it happen. I am willing to nail my fears of living life without my mother and mother in law to the cross. I will pass on the lessons they taught me and give those good "Ms. Marilyn" hugs to anyone who needs to feel love. That's what they named me "Love."
Take a few minutes to reflect on what you want your legacy to be. If you are not already doing something about it, do it. Write it down and share it with me @penscribed. We have to make a sacrifice to get what we want. I plan to pour myself into my legacy even when it hurts.
It's all in the legacy,
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